Brain Diamond 369

Do you wrestle with temptation? I'm talking all kinds of temptation: be it edible, drinkable, smokable or sexable. Do any of these images make you think about the sexual act or eating?

That could maybe probably be interfering with your life. That's why you need Brain Diamond 369, just one of many techniques in the psychic arsenal of amazing techniques I call my Brain Diamond Series or B.S. Some of my followers also call Brain Diamond 369 "Deliver Us From Temptation." Here's how it works.

When you see temptation....

1) Turn your back on it.

2) Bend over at the waist.

3) With your hands spread-eagled on your hips, emit a series of five short, loud grunts.

4) Do it twice, just to be sure.

I guarantee that when you turn back around all temptation will be gone. For example, try Brain Diamond 369 and then look at this picture:

Are you feeling any sexual stirring when you look at it? No, but you used to. Am I right? So the next time you're in that situation just try Brain Diamond 369 and you can thank me in the morning! And if you think that Brain Diamond 369 sounds like too much work - just keep reminding yourself that you're too old to go to jail for 90 days again!

Investigating Kwanzaa

We all know about Christmas! And we all know about Hanukkah which is Fake Christmas for Jewishes! But did you know about Kwanzaa? This is a Fake, Fake Christmas, sort of like a watered-down Lent, for African-Americans because they need one more thing to make them feel different from other folks. But Kwanzaa is true!

I bet you can sing Christmas carols, but do you know any Kwanzaa songs? If you are like everyone in the world, I bet the answer is "No!" That is okay. Not knowing any Kwanzaa songs just means you are normal.

But I have learned about Kwanzaa and come with me while we will explore it.

African-Americans also invented the menorah.

Like socialism, Kwanzaa has Seven Principles, including the principle of Unity and the principle of Collective Work and Responsibility.

This poster says, "Destroy Christmas and the Baby Jesus!"
It is found in many Kwanzaa homes.

The greeting for Kwanzaa is, "Hail, Kwanzaa!" When you are celebrating Kwanzaa and you see someone else celebrating Kwanzaa, that is what you say to them. If you are white and you say, "Hail, Kwanzaa!" to someone who is celebrating Kwanzaa they will kill you. It is alright for Kwanzaans to say, "Hail, Kwanzaa!" to one another, they can say that to each other, but it is not okay for white people to say it to them.

Who is Kwanzaa? I am glad you asked. Kwanzaa is a wonderful false god who does many magical things at Christmas for all of the minorities:

Kwanzaa steals food from children.

Kwanzaa eats babies.

Kwanzaa hits on the pope's wife and makes her cry.


Kwanzaa sells children into slavery.

So this year, when you are giving presents like Christmas and lighting a menorah like Hanukkah but you are actually doing Kwanzaa, I hope you remember that Christmas is not the time of year to worship false idols. It is the time of year to celebrate the Baby Jesus. This is not meant in an offensive way, but Baby Jesus was here first. But still, I pray that once you get done worshiping Christmas that you can take a few minutes to have a short Kwanzaa, afterwards. But remember, Christmas is for everyone, even if they would prefer a Kwanzaa.

A Christmas Memory

The internets is a wonderful place where people can connect over all kinds of networks like YouTubes, My Space, Friendster, Facebook and J-Date. The nice people over at Yahoo have asked their readers to write in about their favoritest Christmas memories and I read one that was so touching I had to share it here.

It begins like this...

"The Philadelphia State Hospital, an institution located in the Byberry region 10 miles north of Philadelphia's city center, housed thousands of mental patients from 1906 through 1990."
Already I can tell this is going to be my favorite kind of Christmas story!

"Byberry was nothing more than a warehouse for those who were kept there, where they lived under horrible and abusive conditions."
Reminds you of the manger where the Baby Jesus was born, doesn't it?

"Conditions at Byberry had improved somewhat by the 1970s when I originated an annual Christmas event involving patients from the institution.
In Oklahoma, where I'm from, our mental institution had an annual Christmas event, too. It was called a riot and it usually lasted right through the New Year or until they ran out of tapioca pudding. Whichever came first.

As community relations manager for the Prudential Insurance Company's large branch in nearby Horsham, Penn., I recruited a crew of 100 employee volunteers to participate in the event."
You know, if I ran an insurance company I think I would want to target the crazy community of mentals, too. What a great opportunity for sales!

"We invited officials to bring two busloads of patients to our office building on a night just before Christmas break."
And the story just gets better from there! All I can say is that I wish I did run an insurance company because I would want to hire this person. This is exactly the kind of thing I would want my community relations manager to arrange. Not one, but two busloads of people from the local snake pit busting into my office on Christmas Eve.

You should read the rest of the story. It will warm all of your hearts!

Merry Christmas, one and all!
Even the crazies!

A Thanksgiving Prayer

Every Thanksgiving I say a little prayer that I think you might enjoy too as we enter into the holiday season which is full of thinks to be thankful of for.

Dear Ultimate Being....



Thank you for the poor and the needy for
without them I would be lost.



Thank you for the children, who show us
through their daily actions what it is like
to be innocent and pure.



And thank you for the animals who do this also.


Thank you for our President who keeps
America strong and safe.
[If a Democrat is in the White House,
this line can be omitted]

Thank you for conceal carry laws that keep
our streets free of crime and perversion and thank you
for the brave teachers who also carry weapons
at school so they can keep our children who teach
us to be innocent and pure safe from criminal influence.

Thank you for the Border Wall
because it keeps our deserts free of the
dead bodies of the poor and needy.

Thank you for the Supermax prisons because
they keeps the terrorists and un-Americans
away from the good people.

Thank you for the Area 51 where our
government is trying to unravel the
mysteries of space and time.

Thank you for the alien life forms who
visits us on a regular basis and give a thrill
to the shut-ins and the crazies who all too often
don't even hear from their children
on the phone anymore.

Thank you for squirrels, who provide a
source of nutrition and keeps
the bird population under control.



Thank you for cars that keep
the squirrel population under control.

But most of all, Supreme Being, I think I
speak for everyone when I say: Thank you for me!

Sincerely yours,

Dr. Julia Wonder!

Martha Gomp? Are You Reading this?

Martha Gomp, are you reading this blog? Because based on what I'm seeing, starting at 2:30pm on November 14th and extending for about 3 hours, you are going to be in the most powerful period of your life. And the way things are looking on your extended psychic forecast, you won't ever have it this good again.

That's right, Martha Gomp, the powerful forces I'm picking up with my extrasensorics will give you unprecedented luck, love, money and influence over others. That's virtually a full three hours when you will be in a near-ideal position to take charge of your destiny.

Some things you could do during that period?

- get a new job!
- move to a new home!
- have that operation you've been putting off!
- rotate your mattress!

The possibilities are limitless. But after that window of psychic opportunity has passed, it's all downhill for you. That's right - you'll still be taking care of your mother, you'll still wonder why your cat pee pees on every single item of clothing that you meant to return to the store, you'll still hope that your son - Matthew Gomp Jr. - will call you on the phone one night (but he never will) and you will still be working at Shady Groves Rest Home. And yes, you'll still have to make ends meet by taking on freelance babysitting jobs for the elderly, including Mr. Rotuna of Rural Route 1, Station 37.

But in that three hour window, you could maybe change it all.

Martha, it doesn't have to be this way.
Call me now !

Who does the Queen Think She Is?

I was very nervous about starting my Facebook page because while it is good to mingle with the normal people it is not so good to mingle with the subnormals, and that is a lot of what's on the internets. But it is encouraging to me when I see one of my peers, like Queen Elizabeth, join Facebook because then I think, "Well, if it is good enough for Lizzie then it should be ok for me, Dr. Julia Wonder." I went to her page and sent her a friend request, which is silly because I know the second she has a break from visiting salt mines and putting her drunk mother to bed, Lizzie will be busy Friending me. But I thought I would save her the trouble because she is getting a little long in the tooth and forgetful.

Imagine how insulting it was to receive this message from her:

So let me get this straight: because a bunch of subnormals who have never drank Bloody Mary's with Queen E until 4 in the morning and then had to toss her royal ass in a cold shower after she passed out in the Royal Mews with her skirt hitched up around her waist want to be Facebook friends with her, I have to wait in line for her to acknowledge me?

To hell with that.

So you know what I did?

I bet she'll think twice before getting uppity with me again!

Julia Wonder on the YouToobs!

Do you need more of me inside of your life? I bet you do! Head on over to my YouToob channel and watch exciting video footage of your favorite person...Me! In this first exclusive contents you can see a little video my LAMBS made back in 2000 when I was running for President of These United States. I used to play this video before rallies and at in-home appearances, just to get the gals all worked up before I came out and gave them their lucky numbers. On the YouToobs it already has 50 views, and I bet all of them viewers are each and every one of them a maladjusted peoples with unhappiness in their lives and they could use a little slice of what I'm selling. Because I am selling excitement!

Lamb Stevie and Me, Dr. Julia Wonder, are in this video visiting Washington of D of C to take the temperature of the peoples and lubricate them for my run for President. I think they were pretty well lubricated, but I did not win. Still, I consider that a victory! And that's a lesson I teach unto all my followers: there is no such thing as losing. Only different flavors of winning!

I would have made a nicer seal, and that's
just for starters.