Investigating Kwanzaa

We all know about Christmas! And we all know about Hanukkah which is Fake Christmas for Jewishes! But did you know about Kwanzaa? This is a Fake, Fake Christmas, sort of like a watered-down Lent, for African-Americans because they need one more thing to make them feel different from other folks. But Kwanzaa is true!

I bet you can sing Christmas carols, but do you know any Kwanzaa songs? If you are like everyone in the world, I bet the answer is "No!" That is okay. Not knowing any Kwanzaa songs just means you are normal.

But I have learned about Kwanzaa and come with me while we will explore it.

African-Americans also invented the menorah.

Like socialism, Kwanzaa has Seven Principles, including the principle of Unity and the principle of Collective Work and Responsibility.

This poster says, "Destroy Christmas and the Baby Jesus!"
It is found in many Kwanzaa homes.

The greeting for Kwanzaa is, "Hail, Kwanzaa!" When you are celebrating Kwanzaa and you see someone else celebrating Kwanzaa, that is what you say to them. If you are white and you say, "Hail, Kwanzaa!" to someone who is celebrating Kwanzaa they will kill you. It is alright for Kwanzaans to say, "Hail, Kwanzaa!" to one another, they can say that to each other, but it is not okay for white people to say it to them.

Who is Kwanzaa? I am glad you asked. Kwanzaa is a wonderful false god who does many magical things at Christmas for all of the minorities:

Kwanzaa steals food from children.

Kwanzaa eats babies.

Kwanzaa hits on the pope's wife and makes her cry.


Kwanzaa sells children into slavery.

So this year, when you are giving presents like Christmas and lighting a menorah like Hanukkah but you are actually doing Kwanzaa, I hope you remember that Christmas is not the time of year to worship false idols. It is the time of year to celebrate the Baby Jesus. This is not meant in an offensive way, but Baby Jesus was here first. But still, I pray that once you get done worshiping Christmas that you can take a few minutes to have a short Kwanzaa, afterwards. But remember, Christmas is for everyone, even if they would prefer a Kwanzaa.

A Christmas Memory

The internets is a wonderful place where people can connect over all kinds of networks like YouTubes, My Space, Friendster, Facebook and J-Date. The nice people over at Yahoo have asked their readers to write in about their favoritest Christmas memories and I read one that was so touching I had to share it here.

It begins like this...

"The Philadelphia State Hospital, an institution located in the Byberry region 10 miles north of Philadelphia's city center, housed thousands of mental patients from 1906 through 1990."
Already I can tell this is going to be my favorite kind of Christmas story!

"Byberry was nothing more than a warehouse for those who were kept there, where they lived under horrible and abusive conditions."
Reminds you of the manger where the Baby Jesus was born, doesn't it?

"Conditions at Byberry had improved somewhat by the 1970s when I originated an annual Christmas event involving patients from the institution.
In Oklahoma, where I'm from, our mental institution had an annual Christmas event, too. It was called a riot and it usually lasted right through the New Year or until they ran out of tapioca pudding. Whichever came first.

As community relations manager for the Prudential Insurance Company's large branch in nearby Horsham, Penn., I recruited a crew of 100 employee volunteers to participate in the event."
You know, if I ran an insurance company I think I would want to target the crazy community of mentals, too. What a great opportunity for sales!

"We invited officials to bring two busloads of patients to our office building on a night just before Christmas break."
And the story just gets better from there! All I can say is that I wish I did run an insurance company because I would want to hire this person. This is exactly the kind of thing I would want my community relations manager to arrange. Not one, but two busloads of people from the local snake pit busting into my office on Christmas Eve.

You should read the rest of the story. It will warm all of your hearts!

Merry Christmas, one and all!
Even the crazies!

A Thanksgiving Prayer

Every Thanksgiving I say a little prayer that I think you might enjoy too as we enter into the holiday season which is full of thinks to be thankful of for.

Dear Ultimate Being....



Thank you for the poor and the needy for
without them I would be lost.



Thank you for the children, who show us
through their daily actions what it is like
to be innocent and pure.



And thank you for the animals who do this also.


Thank you for our President who keeps
America strong and safe.
[If a Democrat is in the White House,
this line can be omitted]

Thank you for conceal carry laws that keep
our streets free of crime and perversion and thank you
for the brave teachers who also carry weapons
at school so they can keep our children who teach
us to be innocent and pure safe from criminal influence.

Thank you for the Border Wall
because it keeps our deserts free of the
dead bodies of the poor and needy.

Thank you for the Supermax prisons because
they keeps the terrorists and un-Americans
away from the good people.

Thank you for the Area 51 where our
government is trying to unravel the
mysteries of space and time.

Thank you for the alien life forms who
visits us on a regular basis and give a thrill
to the shut-ins and the crazies who all too often
don't even hear from their children
on the phone anymore.

Thank you for squirrels, who provide a
source of nutrition and keeps
the bird population under control.



Thank you for cars that keep
the squirrel population under control.

But most of all, Supreme Being, I think I
speak for everyone when I say: Thank you for me!

Sincerely yours,

Dr. Julia Wonder!