Christine O'Donnell: Witch or Not a Witch?

I was real excited when I heard Karl Rove say that Tea Party Senate candidate in Delaware, Christine O'Donnell, was a witch because we needs more spirituality in our daily politics. But then I talked it over with Janine Turner and she said unto me, "Julia, our Founding Fathers never intended for witches or warlocks or even wizards to have a place in our politics." And I always agree with Janine!

Karl Rove is a lot of things, but I do not think he is an authority on witchcraft. And I think it is vitals to our Republic that we know if Christine O'Donnell is indeed a witch. So I took out my channeling bowl and had a chat with Cotton Mather, one of the key authorities at the Salem Witch Trials.

Not an expert on witch hunting.

An expert on witch hunting.

Dr. Julia Wonder: Hello, Cotton Mather.
Cotton Mather: Hail, female.
Dr. Julia Wonder: I have a question for you, Cotton. Is Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell a witch?
Cotton Mather: If you wish to find out whether a woman is endowed with a Witch’s power, take note whether she is able to shed tears when being tortured. If she be a Witch she will not be able to weep: although she will assume a tearful aspect and smear her cheeks and eyes with spittle to make it appear that she is weeping.
Dr. Julia Wonder: I am generally opposed to spittle. Are there other ways of finding out if she is a witch?
Cotton Mather: There is the trial of red-hot iron. Heat an iron bar or ingot and press it into the hands of the accused Witch. If she cannot carry it past three steps, and it burneth her hands and flesh most terribly, then the accused woman is not a witch. However, if the accused carries the red-hot iron to the stipulated three pace limit and beyond, then she has received assistance and supernatural powers from the Devil who sends her invisible aid and renders her hands tough and horny and resistant to the cleansing fire of Christ.
Dr. Julia Wonder: If Christine O'Donnell is a witch, what options are there for the Tea Party?
Cotton Mather: There is only one recourse when a Witch is exposed and that is to sentence her to the ordeal of Peine forte et dure and heavy stones shall be stacked upon her chest until she is pressed to death in a public place, bloody spittle issuing from her mouth along with her cries of mercy and her pleas for aid directed to her master, the Devil.
Dr. Julia Wonder: Thank you, Cotton Mather.
Cotton Mather: In the midst of the many Dissatisfaction among us, the public triall of a witch shall promote such a pious Thankfulness unto God, for Justice being so far executed among us, that I shall Re-joyce that God is Glorified and that the witch is sent burning into Hell.

There you have it!

Crushing may be an option for the
Tea Party as it deals with its "witch problem."

Celebrating 9/11

It has been 11 years since the terrible events of 9/11 and I have often wondered what I could have done to prevent them. Sometimes I curse myself that I ignored those emails I got in late 2000 from Obinladen65@hotmail.com. I thought they were an internet scam but reading them again now I guess they weren't.

However, I don't want to dwell too much on the mistakes of the past, because they are often not really mistakes. Think of all the wonderful healing that has come from 9/11 and think that if I had answered those emails and guided him away from what he did, we never could have gotten all this coming together in America and the world and we would not be getting a new Freedom Tower and there would be less jobs. That is why I call the title of this post "Celebrating 9/11" and not "Being All Depressed and Second Guessing About 9/11." It's all about your mental attitude and outlook on life!

Are you proud, Al Qutta? You have made our
national bird cry.

But new elements of what happened that day are always coming to light and I want to share one for you that just has come to my light on this anniversary week.

On the website of a paranormal investigator she writes about what her cousin saw from a boat off the coast of Manhattan that doomed day around dusk. She says:

"As they sat on the boat watching they all started to notice at once something very odd going on at the ground zero site. Over the buildings , above the city they realized they were seeing flashes of what looked like light rising from the top of what was left of the tower complex rising up into the darkening sky. The group of people sitting on the boats watched in silence as this strange activity increased until they witnessed hundreds of ghost like white wisps rise from the ground and lift into the night sky. The people watching started to cry as they all were sure at what they were watching. My cousin talked to me a few days later and she told me they looked like a white glowing shape about body size and that the entire thing lasted for only a hour or so and then it slowed and stopped."

We all know about the terrible events of 9/11 but what chills me to my blood is that before today I never knew that Al Qutta used trained ghosts to attack America! Terrorist suicide ghosts in a second strike attack! If they had been successful, New York City would have been haunted for years!

Thank goodness for our brave men and women in the CIA, the FBI and the NASA who defeated this "Second Strike." I think they all deserve our gratimuchitude.

And maybe they also deserve a free order of medium fries.
It is clear that BK went out of business because
they care too damn much. There's no room
for honor and respect for the military in the
cut throat world of fast food.

Walking

Can you tell me what these two people have in common?

Caveman

Black Person

That's right. Although they are separated by thousands of years, they both walk the same way. Isn't that crazy? We don't eat raw meat, or hunt with flint spears or ride dinosaurs, or any of the other things our caveman ancestors did but we still walk the exact same way.

This will not do.

We need an evolution in our walking or we will always be Poor Walkers (PWs).

Now those smarty boys did invent that Segway machine but they did not anticipate on the JF (Jackass Factor) that makes everyone who rides one of those things look like a jackass.

Ask yourself: what is the future of walking?

Crickets. Am I right?

Now ask me. Go on. Ask me.

Dr. Wonder, what is the future of walking?

Answer: The Future of Walking is Walking Normally (WN). This is a technique that I have developed at my Center for Applied Metaphysics (CAMP) and I teach it at my classes and workshops. It is more difficult than you can imagine. Because most people do not know how to WN (Walk Normally). Look at this, some scientist trying to steal my ideas and using technology and robots to make himself walk normally.




The folks at Honda may be smarty pants but they have to stick a robot up their butts to walk normally and I say:

"Stick a robot up his butt and a man will walk normally for a day. Teach a man how to Walk Normally according to Dr. Julia Wonder's copyrighted Walking Normally Program, and he will Walk Normally for the rest of his life."

Many of you are twitching your legs with anticipation (or you have Restless Leg Syndrome to which I say: Braindiamond 11-42) and so I want to hit you with an idea. Chew this one over in your brain:

The first step to walking normally is to understand that there is no such thing as walking.

You sleep on that and when you figure it out, we'll move on to step two!

The Future of Now

Do you want to make history? I do! And I want to share this unique opportunity with all my readers on the world wide web. I have a brand new project called, Hello, Future Peoples! and judging by how lonely most of you are, and how powerless you feel in your everyday lives, I know all of you are going to want to be part of it!

Funded by the Federal Stimulus Package, Hello, Future Peoples! is a time capsule that will be buried in the desert near Reno, Nevada, and it will be chock full of my teachings. Why? Because future peoples living in the future are going to need help from me, and while I will most likely still be there to guide them, there is a chance that I will not be available for as much hands on assistance as they might require because maybe I'll be on another planet.

You can put your baby in this time capsule and dig
it up in 22 years! Just put in some canned tuna fish and
sparkling water and a copy of my teachings and
you'll have a upstanding citizen
when you finally dig the little critter up.

Hello, Future Peoples! has meant a lot to me for years, and now I'm inviting you, the non-historic peoples, to aid me in my goal. Send me in an item of great personal value to you and I will include it in the time capsule! You can send in wedding rings, jewelry, government bonds, antiques and/or precious family heirlooms. In exchange, you will receive from me a personalized receipt thanking you for your contribution and letting you know that your valuable has been sealed inside the Hello, Future Peoples! time capsule to be digged up in 600 years.

They're going to open up their capsule
in 100 years? Quitters.

Imagine a child, a future archeologist or even a alien being digging up the time capsule and going through your belongings. This is your chance to share with future peoples, or robots, the most valuable thing you owned.

Plagues. Extreme climate change. Animals killing us all in our sleep. Nucular attack. In a post-apocalyptic world where the Earth has been destroyed what’s the one thing that will survive? The Hello, Future Peoples! time capsule! And you should be inside of it.

Because our civilization will end. The terrorists want to rain down nucular fire on our breadbasket and burn it. They want to poison our water. Destroy our cars. But I know Americans will fight. And in the post-apocalyptic death camps of the enemy, good Americans will rise up and write a new Declaration of Independence in blood, because freedom isn’t free. It comes with a price tag.

I bet they wish they had a copy of my
teachings right about now!

And they will learn about that price tag when they open the Hello, Future Peoples! time capsule. So act now to participate in my new scheme. Because in the future, you'll be dead.