Is Evolution for real?

Have you looked at an interesting poll lately? I have. There is many that says that only about 40% of Americans believe in evolution. I want to weigh in here because lots of peoples have questions about evolution and whether it is true or not, just like they did in 1856 when Charles Darwin invented it. So I want you to know that I am a modern woman and a doctor of science and you should know that I believe in evolution.

How did I come to this belief? Not only by accepting it blindly, no sir. I came to my belief in evolution by observing the world around me. Take for example ordering a Big Mac. There is no way you can tell me that the fella running the register didn't start out as a monkey. I also find the same thing at Wal-Mart and Bed, Bath and Beyond. These kids on the register definitely came from a bunch of dirty monkeys otherwise there is no way to explain them.

I cannot tell a difference, can you?

Or take Sarah Jessica Parker.

Surely there is a little horse in there somewhere.

And that Napoleon Dynamite kid has got to be descended from beavers or my name is not Dr. Julia Wonder.

But usually it's monkeys. That's what most people look like to me: just a pack of screeching, jumping, noisy, arm-waving monkeys. Especially children.

"But," I hear you say, "you do not look like a monkey, Dr. Wonder." And you are correct. So where do I come from? There are many theories about this but allow me to share one with you called the Ancient Astronaut Theory. In this theory, which I believe to possibly be irrefutable fact, UFOs came to our planet many hundreds of years ago before there was anything human on it. They were all worked up after their long space flight and so they partied and shot their space sperm on our planet. Then they had some space wars.

What the dawn of time probably looked like.

Anyhoo, the aliens got back in their UFOs and went away to another galaxy but the space sperm they left behind turned into babies and these babies had intercourse with each other and started a sophisticated and very good looking part of the human race that we know of today as Norwegians. And that's where my great, great, great, great grandmama Wonder hails from. So I am definitely one of these space sperm peoples and not one of the dirty monkey peoples.

What I am descended from.

What people from France
are descended from.

But that's only a theory. The other theory is that I am just unique and special, and if you prefer that theory then it's okay by me!