Hey! Where's my Noble Peace Prize?

I saw that last week they awarded the Noble Peace Prizes to a bunch of idiots. They gave one to a fella who wrote a book called The Perpetual Orgy and one to a Chinese fella who's in jail. Since when do jailbirds get rewarded for doing illegal things that got them sent to the slammer? If this is the new Noble criteria then my cousin Nicki should have Noble Prizes falling off her shelf. She'd be able to trade them for packs of gum at the Sing Sing commissary. And she needs gum, especially the nicotine flavored kind, because Sing Sing is a no smoking jail now and everyone's all stressed out and shanking each other left and right because of it. But anyhoo... (See what I just did there - I interrupted MY personal blog to identify an unjust situation and call for justice. That's Noble Peace Prize material.)

Before it was corrupted, the Noble Peace Prize was supposed to go to "...the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses." Let's see...do I fit that definition better than Liu Xiaobo the Chinese jailbird?

Peace Bling. I deserves it!

Let's break it up like a cracker and see what's what:

"The person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations."
Me - On more than one occasion I have helped foreign types find their way back to their hotel or to the Reno, Nevada Gambling Hall of Fame when they were lost in the streets. Nevada has the highest crime rate in the country and without my help they mights have died. Also, I have answered several emails from a Nigerian who has funds stuck in an offshore account and is trying to free them to better his nation. I continue to assist in this activity.
Liu - he is in jail.

"The person who shall have done the most or the best work for the abolition or reduction of standing armies."
Me - I encouraged two of the Slattery boys to not enlist in the Army and to work as seasonal fruit pickers, instead. Also, I outted a "man" named Harlon Stone, thereby rendering him unfit for military service.
Liu - sitting in jail.

"The person who shall have done the most or the best work for the holding and promotion of peace congresses."
Me - I have no idea what this means.
Liu - he doesn't know either AND he's in jail.

I am also kind to animals, I tend not to post comments on YouTube message boards that are of a racial nature, and I am always saying that the money of an Arab or other ethnic minority is just the same to me as the money of a normal person. Liu doesn't know what money is because he lives in Communist China and also he is in jail. Although I suppose he could trade his Noble Prize for some of that nicotine gum at the prison commissary if he is in a no smoking jail. And if that would make it more likely that he will not shiv someone, then I am all for it. So let Liu keep his prize this year, because I want his prison experience to be peaceful and free of shanking and shivving.

But next year, come on. Haven't I waited my turn?

If this joker can get a
Noble Prize, why can't I?