Dear Friends, Valued Followers, plus All the Rest of You,
The Republicans have found it necessary to issue a pledge to their fan base to outlining what they are to expect (or not) from their beloved G.O.P.
In a likely manner, I feel that all of those I’ve drawn in and hope to in future deserve no less potent of a capsule. This then is my WONDER PLEDGE to you—and you know who you are! If not, you soon will! I will start with a pre-amble (the full amble is coming—keep an eye out!).
MY PROMISE IS FOR YOU!!! The spiritual, the spiritless, the ‘haves’, the ‘have-nots’, the meek, the pushy, the ones on their way up, the ones ‘going down’, everybody, anybody, and especially you who haven’t as yet located your nitch.
We is America!
I PLEDGE THAT: Our work together will be successful, no matter how many times we try.
I PLEDGE THAT: You will find friends and even a home at Julia’s Wonder Team Headquarters, no matter how far away you live or how much you value your own ways.
I PLEDGE THAT: You will live each day as if it was your first. And if you can’t remember it, I have a re-birthing seminar that will bring it all back to you in living color.
One of my mobile rebirthing stations.
I PLEDGE THAT: Those of you already on the step-ladder to success I promise you will never miss a single rung.
I PLEDGE THAT: Those of you who are categorized as ‘failures’ will find a new respect for the important roles you play and before you can say HTNGLDW you will be looking up at the rears of those who’ve naturally climbed beyond you.
The Computer is evil!
I PLEDGE THAT: You will no longer be political pawns; you will see politics for what they are, you will see me for what I am, and you will vote accordingly.
I PLEDGE THAT: J.W.Enterprises is not one of your ordinary money-making schemes. While we are supported entirely by private donation and some legitimate grants. And those of you without anything to offer, we will find a use for you. Guaranteed!
I PLEDGE THAT: To keep you healthy and sickness-free is our goal. And we’ll help you to understand why the money you save on health insurance can serve us all better.
I PLEDGE THAT: All the methods and devices and products I offer you are guaranteed to work! If you give them enough time. Each one is put through an exhausted once-over by a panel of experts especially chosen by I myself! To ensure that what you get is as thoroughly certifiable as my distinguished panel themselves.
Don't tread on us!
I PLEDGE THAT: If you have ever wanted to stand out from ‘the crowd’ this is your golden opportunity. When ever you find yourself unconsciously “shifting” or walking “normally”, everyone within eyeshot will be curious as to how you got that way. And why.
I PLEDGE THAT: Your membership will entitle you to all the discounts, freebies, and special deals usually reserved for walk-ins and day-trippers.
I PLEDGE THAT: I will never cost you one cent more than you can afford to lose. For those of you with no indisposable income, we can offer you a scholarship against any collateral you can scrape together, and in terms that would make your run-of-the-mill Savings and Loan red with envy.
I PLEDGE THAT: Since our U.S. of A. does not stand for the second-rate, the mediocre or the deviant, I will do everything—I mean everything!—in my power to help you pass any and all smell tests.
I, on the other hand, welcome them all.
Except Mormons.
I PLEDGE THAT: You will be part of a real authentic grass-roots movement that is still small, but growing. We don’t want to reverse to an unenlightened past!— We have it in us to make America the kind of country even the Founding Fathers never dreamt of!
MOST OF ALL I PLEDGE THAT: You will come out of this a changed man (or woman, as you will).You may not even realize how or why. But when you take the time to think about it, you will come to the understanding that you really are the same person after all, the one you were destined to be.
I can offer you no greater gift.
THE CHOICE IS YOURS—WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?
THE REPUBLICAN TEABAG?
THE DEMOCRAT FEEDBAG?
Or
THE CHANCE TO TELL THEM ALL WHERE TO GET OFF?!
I, DR. Julia Wonder, will show you how unimportant it all is
When you live
ON A HIGHER LEVEL OF REALITY!
THERE’S NO TURNING BACK—
THE FUTURE IS YOURS!
COME JOIN THE ‘WONDER TEAM’!!
THESE ARE MY PLEDGE AND ALSO MY PROMISE TO YOU.
The American Bird is Angry
at un-Patriots!
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